Mourn

I am in New Jersey right now at my grandmother’s house, having just come from Long Island from another family member’s house following the graveside service, which we were unable to get to, as it was at ten-thirty this morning. We didn’t want to catch all of the rush hour traffic, so we left at about ten and got in at one-thirty. We were there until about eight. There was a very nice evening service at about seven.

Throughout the afternoon and evening, I spent a lot of time with a lot of different people. Some of them I knew and had seen recently (in exemplum my grandfather [most recently sighted at my aunt’s wedding in L.A.]). Some of them I knew and had not seen for a long time (in exemplum my grandfather’s cousin, the widow of the deceased [most recently sighted at her apartment several years ago]). Some of them I had never met before in my life (in exemplum her sister). Anyway, I had a really good time, or as much of a good time as one should have at a post-funeral Shiva session.

Everyone has their own way of mourning. Some people cry a lot, some people are solid and stoic and then cry a lot in private, some are solid and stoic and never cry. Some are somewhere in between, defying categorization. It is weird. It is hard to predict how people will act. I try not to stop trying though, because I think that if you just sit back and accept the way people feel, it can be easy to get caught up in emotions and not understand what’s actually happening around you. It is important to be sympathetic and comforting while still trying to understand your feelings.